Shulas Steak House Miami Lakes 2004
Don't Ever Let Your Girl Order The Tail
Robert brings to you, another one of those "Things They Don't Teach You In School" reports.
Now, many of you know steakhouses are expensive. Heck, I've even been to a Japanese Steak House where four of us ate for $100 and it was da bomb, but this is over the top.
It's Laurie's birthday, and she wants to go to Shulas. In case you don't know, Shulas is one of the top 10 Steakhouses in the USA. Yes, it's owned by Don Shula himself, the coach of the 72 Dolphins who had the perfect season. The restaurant, located in Miami Lakes FL, is themed after this team. No problem. I make the reservation for Saturday 10/30/04 at 8pm. A couple down the street joins us. We watched their dog while they went on vacation, so it's kinda implied that they're paying.
1st picture, the main sign at the entrance. 2nd and 3rd picture, the walls leading to the restaurant are covered in pictures. If you order a 48oz porterhouse steak, you get your name added to their web site. The people who have already done this are on a plaque on the wall.
We go inside, sit down and they put this football on one of the plates. Turns out, this is the menu. This is a real NFL football, and it's signed by Don himself. As you can see on the teal section of the ball, most of the prices are about $25. No problem right? Just wait.
There's no menu, just a cart they roll around. Alan wheels the cart over and starts talking. The cart has beef cuts on it, and a lobster in the middle. It also has a tomato, broccoli, and asparagus which are the sides. They also have two salads, a house, and ceasar. The room is dark, it just looks lit up because of my flash. I'm looking at the cart, trying to follow along with Alan, when the lobster BLINKS at me. Is that an animatronic like Disney World? No, that's a REAL lobster sitting on the cart. I almost jump out of my chair. It's ALIVE. Alan picks it up and holds it for everyone to see. So Alan keeps talking. You can get a porterhouse, a Kansas city steak, a cowboy steak, filet mignon, beef tips, and the lobster. Now, what do you think the girls are going to order? Yes, surf and turf. Alan mentions $79, and you don't really think about it. Did he mention some other prices? Maybe, but there's so much to hear, it all goes by real fast. So we decide to share meals because the portions are big. The girls are going to split the surf and turf, the guys will split a steak. Don't worry, it all comes on separate plates, and no, we're not gay. Carlos orders a couple salads for the table, asparagus, spinach, the cowboy steak, and the surf and turf.
Now, here's where things can get really EXPENSIVE. Your server will ask if you want the entire lobster, or just the tail. Common sense would tell you the tail would be less. Nope, it's actually more. ALOT MORE. Now, Carlos is a seasoned traveler, and he didn't even say anything when Laurie said Tail. We're waiting for the food having a few drinks, eating the bread, and the waitress brings out this huge tail. It covers an entire plate. The lobster comes from Australia. No problem, we don't think anything of it.
$128 for the above.
Here's the rest of the food. The steak was great, it had peppers, mushrooms, and you didn't need A1 to go with it. In fact, Carlos told me it's taboo to ask for steak sauce. Needless to say, the dish and sides were the bomb. When you visit one of these fancy restaurants, everything is priced separately, al la cart. But Laurie got free cake for being the birthday girl, WOW. I had a bite of the tail and didn't think much of it. Sure, it tastes like butter, but I'm not a sea food fan.
Not too bad I guess, but it was a shock when the check game. We all looked, and there was a bunch of stuff for $28, $32, $14, $22, $12, and then $128. At first I thought the $128 was for a bottle of wine Carlos ordered, but no, it said TAIL next to it. Holy Tail Batman. But yes, it was split between two people, so it's really $64. The tab came out to $361 for four people and that's splitting two dishes. I couldn't let Carlos pay for it all, no way. I gave him half in cash, and he paid for it on his credit card. No, I wasn't mad at Laurie, it's a once a year thing. We went home and Laurie wanted to give a piece of the leftovers to our yellow lab. Laurie puts a piece of the lobster in a bowl and sets it down. Guess what? Destiny wouldn't eat it, and normally this she will inhale anything.
What's really funny about Shulas, is that they have many more choices available. I printed the menu from the web the day before. Yet when the cart rolls around, all you see are the steaks, and that lobster in the middle. If you ask me, it's rigged, and that's the entire reason I made this web page. If you go with your girl...
DON'T LET HER ORDER THE TAIL.
I'm sure Don himself will eventually see this page once it's indexed. No need to sue Don, I'm probably doing you a favor by telling the kids what to expect.
Now, the food was out of this world, and I'd recommend you go. Just ask how much everything costs, and
DON'T ORDER THE TAIL.
End of Report. Thanks for reading.
Email me at nogodforme@bellsouth.net.